Tomorrow marks the completion of Tobias' sixth week on the outside. I remember looking ahead to this milestone like I was in base camp and it was a staging area for the summit. The summit being all sorts of things:
*sleeping in lengths both generous and nocturnal, lengths allowing me to feel the need to brush my teeth less than 8 times a day, lengths which prompt the phrase "went to bed at...". Hmmm, this is a work in progress, but he's generally throwing me a bone with one long sleep per day and he hasn't slipped backward from the 3 hour minimums lately, so of course I love him more. Sleep = Loved Baby, see.
*personality, interaction. We have a drummer friend from church who said the first few months are designed to help us understand God. You know, pursuing us even though we don't respond with love at first, our needing everything from him, rejecting him blindly when things get tough, crying out in all directions, not knowing what exactly would fix us. Tobias is waking up to himself every day. And you know, it does make it easier to perform these mom-tasks. He now laughs/smiles not only at us but at inanimate objects. He has been testing out his voice- yesterday he made that trilling Rrrrr sound people use as a pick-up in B movies. Men sure start young these days...
*I figured by six weeks I might know what kind of mom I'd be. Hahahaha. Wasn't I cute, silly enormous pregnant Miriam. I still don't really know- maybe by the time he's 18? Maybe by the time he has kids?
*I also assumed by six weeks I'd know whether PPD would be on my horizon, in light of past bouts of mild depression. So far I'm only my average amount of mentally ill.
Mostly at this point I am trying not to be a nervous, tense mom. Tobias is hands-down the most fabulous thing I've ever seen, and every day I have to remind myself to just enjoy him. Drink it all in. It makes crying, squirming, waking-up-early moments so much easier. It makes me feel I'm approaching ready to do the next six weeks- THREE MONTH OLD GENIUS, here we come.