Dear Mr. Tobias,
We hope that yesterday's incident with your mother in the Winco parking lot is not indicative of a behavioral trend. While hauling off and whalloping the bridge of her nose with your metal matchbox car in the midst of hugging and giggling was ingenious timing in a Wes Craven kind of way, it does nothing for your campaign to be dubbed "A Very Good Boy".
Had this been an isolated incident, we may not have experienced this level of concern.
Today's similar attack on cute defenseless twee baby girl Natalie has led us to take action. In addition to the instant trip to nap-land while your idol Audrey continued to play downstairs, a note has been placed in your personnel file and will be forwarded to the head of your local franchise (A.K.A. Gra-gra has been notified).
We trust you will take immediate steps to curtail this unfortunate experimentation with all things naughty.
Sincerely,
The Management
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