Sorry....

I'm trying to regain my composure after a few weeks of too-business that just about made me insane.

I sort of lost it, and realized I had somehow (AGAIN) come to the ridiculous conclusion that if I can't do things the way I want each day, I might as well not do them at all. This meant I wasn't exercising, practicing, bible-ing, anything. Even cleaning the house had rather lost its charm.

I'm recovering. The first step- a mandate, really, given to me by a most exceptional mind- is to exercise every day. Go to the gym, use the daycare, sweat if you want, sit in the spa, just get there.

It's only been a few days. I'm still a little stubborn about the whole thing. When I know Toby's tired and he just won't go down for a nap, when he needs to be held all day, when he cries in the car, when he spits up all over himself directly after bathing, I have to remember to choose to laugh rather than swear. (I've been swearing a helluva lot, too. Damnit.)

My friend, a mom to a 9 month-old, says it wears on you that you are never really "off work". Whose job comes calling at 3 and 6am in addition to 9-9? Sometimes I really really really would like to be alone for a little while. But when the babysitters (YAY GRANDPARENTS!) arrive I want that time for me and J, too.

I wish this was a touching 6-month birthday post for the nipper, but I'm learning you just have to take what you can get. He and you all know how my heart spontaneously combusts just looking at the cheeks, two Gerber teeth, bubble-blowing drooliness.

So... technical difficulties, blah blah. We'll be back at it shortly.