Sunday, October 15, 2006

Dear Dr. Phil-

I was that girl smiling (you may have though leering, but I was just smiling and it got stuck because you are from the TV) on the street today in front of the Heathman. Don't worry, I'm not homeless and my husband doesn't yell at me like the cretins on your show.

Anyway, what I was trying to tell you with nothing but my knowing smile (stopping you and talking just seemed too common) was that I actually used to think you were an interesting human. But of course I realize you can't say "used to" like that to somebody such as yourself without coming off as a creepy non-fan which I clearly am not. I'm a semi-past luke-warm fan who may like your wife better except she has questionable taste in clothes.

So, just thought you'd want to know I like your early work. The recent springer-esque overtones imply you are having trouble snagging guests with IQs any higher than Wisconsin temps in February, and are a bit much for my delicate sensibilities. Could you go back to making me skinnier? That'd be as cool as a redneck in the freezer aisle.

So, uh, thanks.

PS. Which room were you in, because I totally stayed in the same hotel once. Did you have the fois gras? Or have you yupped out of that one? What would Oprah do?

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