Sunday, February 26, 2006

Sling 'em up, boys!

Well, our night out turned into a date night when we arrived at J's friend's place because they're battling pink eye and not up to a dinner night. Honestly, it was lovely anyway. We ate a great dinner and watched Firewall.

The movie was a good standard action/thriller. The thing is, there were a couple scenes where I allowed myself to be totally manipulated. One showed a mom watching her son experience anaphylactic shock due to a food allergy. This hit close to home since I both know what it would feel like to lose your breath and can now imagine (barely) the horror of seeing that happen to my son. Geez, I hope Toby doesn't end up with any of these ridiculous allergies.
Class at church today was especially yummy. Dan recapped for us, which was even better for me since I had missed 3 classes. We talked about Derk Pereboom's article, "Life Without Free Will". At the end of the discussion, which covered the fact that Pereboom doesn't believe we are morally responsible for our actions, it was revealed he's Christian. He even has another article with the word "grace" in the title which I now really want to get my grubby little hands on. Because wh-huh?!!


I've been thinking more thoughts than these, but it's too hard to think, hold Toby who is having noisy happy dreams in my lap, and type one-handed. We did all get out for a walk where my dad pointed out that we can literally say Toby's ass is in a sling. And who could argue with that?

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Saturday night sleeper

***We are going on an adult-style outing tonight, all the way up to the Land of Ports for dinner at J's friend's house. (He has friends.)

***Did you know that babies like to be swaddled up in blankets with their arms down to their sides? No kidding, we wrap him up just like all the baby books instruct and he's out like we've thrown a switch. We even have a pre-made blanket for it with a pocket for his feet and velcro that holds it together. The spell is only broken when he wrenches his arms free and whaps himself in the face with them when some baby reflex causes him to pinwheel them about. I have seriously thought about designing a little baby straight-jacket so he'll stay all cozy longer. Is that so wrong?

***Lately, and maybe always, I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything to please God, but just to make myself feel like a good person. Which has ultimately made me feel like a vacuous person.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

He reads me, he really reads me!

I'm so jazzed. The day began with several gifts from my infant son.

Toby must have read my post last night, because he slept like a prince, a king, a prodigy. 5 1/2, 4 and then two 3 1/2's in a ROW! Before this month I had no concept of the difference between feeding him every 2 hours and feeding him every 3. It's like the difference between violin and viola, a glass of water and a milkshake, a forecast of sun breaks vs sunshine.

And J is coming home today. So much goodness. We're breaking out the steaks, so hurry home lover.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Nighttime parenting

Most of the time it's not bad, really. He doesn't cry long, ever. I think his record is abot 15 minutes once in the car seat when he was hungry and needed to be changed.

It's just that in the evenings sometimes (like tonight) he is "fussy". This means he needs to be held and to have you move him into different positions often. He grunts and squirms and tenses his body, but doesn't seem to be in pain anywhere in particular. He doesn't cry with enough conviction to convince you that he's anything but tired and a little frustrated. His voice does that wa-ah-ah-ah sort of thing as his mouth quivers, but his eyes are closed and he's not really that loud.

Why is it that we call a baby who cries "difficult"? The kid has no control, no choice about how he'll react to the first months of life, or how long he'll feel like sleeping.

I want to reason with him and say, Hey, Toby! If you'd just enjoy the swaddling blanket and relax a bit instead of arching your entire being, you'll be asleep in no time. And while you're at it, how about skipping that awake time you had planned for 90 minutes from now and splurge on a whole 4 or 5 hours in a row?

Anyway, I know I can't complain in comparison with other moms who have tough kids. The scariest thought I have is that if he keeps doing this for months on end or if he gets worse and worse, THEN what will I feel?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Baby Jumping

Did I tell you that the day my in-laws met me, they paid for and encouraged J and I to try bungee jumping at Six Flags? (They swear up and down they meant nothing by it.)

Flying through the air with my man, I had no idea the ride we'd be on now. We have just completed four weeks of parenthood, and I would say the two experiences have some things in common.

First of all, we were pretty clueless going into it, and the fear & uncertainty of what it might be like is worse than the reality. I was pretty petrified about these first weeks with an infant, and in truth it hasn't been so bad. I don't know what I'm doing, but the kid is still here and mostly happy anyway. I did try to freeze off his extremities today despite bundling him (see photo!) on a 4-mile walk, but he forgave me.

Both things require a bunch of equipment and take a lot of prep time even for quick rides. Each has led me to be a little bit hysterical. After the jump I was laughing and giddy- after a long fussy night with Toby I managed to hit my own self in the face while laying in bed just as he began making I'm-waking-up noises yet again prompting a short bout of hysterical crying I couldn't have stopped for anything. Nothing like a bit of insanity to remind yourself you're alive.

Both events were also firsts for the sexiest man ever invented. Hey, internet- wish him well this next week, as he's got some big stuff coming up and is diligently preparing.

Monday, February 13, 2006

I'm in a CLASS! For Learning!

I went to class yesterday. My brain, it was in use, the light was on, the generator running.

Our friend Dan is leading Free Will and Determinism and I found it really interesting. He's compiled a bunch of readings (I'm 3 classes behind) and is summarizing the differing views.

His main point thus far has been that what most people really care about when they think of these things is not freedom but responsibility. They want to know if they will be made to suffer just consequences for their actions or if they are absolved due to their lack of true control.

J and I were talking about it in Red Robin after church and one of the questions I have is this: if it is our "sin nature" that leads us to choose evil and to therefor deserve consequences since we did have a choice, and if Jesus was fully God and fully man, did Jesus have a sin nature? Because how can he be both the ultimate good and contain a proclivity toward sin?

Another interesting thing I hadn't heard before was that when you are "making a choice", what you are really doing is examining your inner architecture (determined landscape) to see which choice fits the way you are set up. There is no true ambiguity, only a lack of self-knowledge in certain areas. Some would go so far as to say that the way you are made in the beginning and the things that are allowed to happen to you determine your wiring, freeing you from any real responsibility for your actions.

It was at this exact minute that Toby's digestive tract added his personal comment, providing comic relief to our philisophical jaunt.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

What I've Been Up To...

* Every 1.5 to 4.5 hours I am a fount, not of every blessing but of every calorie for our blonde mini growth machine. Mostly, I like looking at his hair and eyes while tickling the soles of his perfect feet and having him hold my fingers. The best is when he dozes off clutching the neck of my shirt.

** Today we rented a place in John's Landing! It's lovely- three bedrooms plus a bonus room, a 2-car garage, dining and living room with gas fireplace. It has gorgeous views of Mt. Hood and the Willamette and is in a cute neighborhood of old craftsman & funky Portland homes. It's on a steep hill full of winding roads walking distance from LOTS of stuff, and (this is the best thing by far) only 4 miles from J's office. I want those two hours back- the commute is sucking big angry sucks right now.

*** Tonight what we did was go to the store. This is an extraordinary accomplishment, with a kid in the carseat and drawing nigh of his fussy time, and me having already made one whole outing today to look at the house. The kid was great and I was... dangerous. See, we put the carseat in the cart, and then I was pushing the cart down the aisles, with the carseat partially obscuring my view. You can see where this is going, no? Right into a huge display of taco spices, a thousand packets and a hundred jars of garlic powder flung across the meat department with an enormously satisfying "thwock" sound.