Sunday, rambly Sunday.

I didn't feel like bothering with church this weekend but was glad that I did. Hey, I'll admit it- the speaker wasn't my cup of tea (boring and possibly dumbing it down), most of the tunes we played were a little stale, and I was tired and a tad cranky (if you can imagine that). But the musicians- God, I love musicians.

There is always something rewarding in spending a few hours of time and effort with them. Sometimes it is an actual, (NON-pastel-doofy-watered-down-Christianese) blessing. Sometimes it's just funny or honest or sincere and I get a glimpse of how we are supposed to be treating one another. Really excellent musicians should run the world.

I believe this atmosphere arises because all musicians make mistakes. Some sets are better than others, even when you're playing for the creator of your universe. There has to be compromise in a group, there has to be stuff you will hate to do "that way". I don't like the way the group I'm in does half our tunes, but am still given a way to do my job and occassionally it even works out for the best. It is continually shocking that there might be methods and tastes out there worth considering beyond my own.

I honestly think that's how church should be approached anyway: with open admission of imperfection. Religion is about men, created by men in an attempt to follow their one true god. Even my own faith, even my own church is inherantly imperfect simply because I am a part of it. Why do people try to pretend it will be otherwise? How do men step into the role of god- of religious leader- without shrivelling up in shame and self-doubt? I wonder this about the televangelists (are there any good ones ever?) and the leaders of catholicism, and the mullahs, and whoever else, and it is depressing.

Once, before I believed Christ was true, I asked my Christian friend why she was given the faith I wanted while I was not. She was terrible at this kind of question and replied that it was "just a gift God gave her". I remember being irate and sad and sort of hurt at that one. If I wanted to know the Truth, and if God had one available, why would there be any barrier left to recieving faith? What kind of faith couldn't be figured out?

Anyway, on break today I was chatting with the singer-chick from our group, Rebecca, who has a very cool deep and cherry colored vocal quality and has been putting these rad curlers in her hair lately- very cute. She told me about her life at a local famous theology school, and how unsimpathetic, juvenile and cold the people she encountered were.

Why aren't Christians more attractive to those around them? Why do some people seem to check out once they think they've "got it"? I am grateful for my faith, my church and my small role in it, but I am also grateful it's just what it is and I'm not responsible for more now.