Doing our part... for the economy.

We bought/received this as a big huge Christmas present this weekend.



It looks really nice in our living room. Our Materialism Guilt Reduction plan is to cancel cable and get a Tivo box for the public channels instead. I have decided that Tivo is essential. It is sooooooo nice to never "have to" watch tv, even though sitting there comatose is clearly not much of a hardship for us in general.

My other new plan is to just screw it and do my bible study while watching. I know. It's clear what my priorities are, right? Well, that's where I am right now, and I'm not going to get up any earlier or give up any time with J. I need all the time I can cobble together during the day for practicing, so there it is. We'll see how it goes, maybe I'll trudge upstairs if the tv's too distracting.

I really like our church's take on Christmas- our pastor and his friends started this old idea of the Advent Conspiracy. "...an international movement restoring the scandal of Christmas by worshipping Jesus through compassion, not consumption."

As you can see from the flatscreen 42"-er, we aren't exactly turning it all over to God yet. It's hard to find a balance between doing what we'd like to and doing what we're expected to do. It doesn't feel fair to skimp on generous people we may see only a couple times a year. For us, the reduction of consumption will start with our immediate family and the people we're able to give to relationally.

Fuji

Here are four aspects of Mt. Toby as taken near the end of November in the year of our Lord 2007.






1) Quick as the season of the cherry blossom: This is how he does everything lately.



2) Seriously silly like the mischievous ravens of Hokkaido.










3) Curious as the monkeys in the hotsprings of Nikko.








4) Hungry as... actually, I'm not sure why he wanted to lick the lense, but I will say he was so stealthy I didn't realize he had tried until I saw this.

Satellite Radio is my friend.

I love road trips. The time for conversation, the views and sometimes interesting radio, the change.

It's not nearly as fun when you're pregnant, though. I'm really worn out. My legs feel all itchy and tight and I need a shower.

We heard one of the Bartok violin concertos while driving through the Columbia River Gorge, which I thought worked out rather neatly. Otherwise our soundtrack began with the Bluegrass Gospel Train through the Flathead Valley, progressed to Prairie Home (almost no Garrison vocals today!) and various talk shows. We even did a brief stint on the Classical Christmas station, but after a while the ridiculosity of melismatic opera treatment for "We Three Kings" type of junk got on my nerves. (A while= 3.5 minutes)

Speaking of listening, at the Montana Grandparents' pad I played a note on the piano (middle C) and asked Toby to sing it and he did. He also saw a toy violin and mimicked the motions with the correct hands while singing. Can you see my chest puffing up? Or, wait a tic, that could just be another second-pregnancy symptom.

But we aren't moving our there.

Shopping at the height of the holiday crush this weekend in Kalispell I was reminded why I love small town life.

• The most crowded stores still left plenty of elbow room and I felt no need to disinfect myself upon re-entering our home.
  
• We paid no man for parking.
• When we decided to go home the commute took no longer than the occassional deer or red light dictated.
• There were plenty of carts and nothing I wanted ran out even though we went late on Friday.
• When we stopped for Starbucks the guy chatted with us for a full 20 seconds after he had given us our order, even though we were in the drive-through. No one honked.

Grandma's got the golden ticket.

We happily have several great-relatives here for Toby, and the chances are good that they will stick around long enough that he'll remember them.

We have great grandma Doris, who is very sweet and lives in an assisted living doohicky just down the street from J's parents. It's a nice place(seriously- the residents look happy and it lacks that old-folks-home smell) and she's a kick. Last night we asked her who she liked for president and she said either Mitt Romney or Hillary Clinton. She watches the news channels and has lucid reasons and opinions about most of the rest of the field, though like everyone we've talked to she didn't know much about Huckabee except that he's got a cool name.

Here are great grandma's thoughts on the election: Obama is interesting, but too inexperienced and not proficient enough at the nuances of dealing with the media or international relations. Clinton is strong and knows how to play the game as long as she can keep her over-the-top rabidness in check. Guiliani (which she pronounced Goo-leeahnee) has too many things dividing his constituents (catholic, yet 3rd marriage and pro choice, etc.) and also "he has a certain scent of the mafia about him, don't you think?" (tee hee) Thompson seems too much like a media "bumpkin" and hasn't made enough of an impression. In light of full disclosure, she might be into Romney because he's Mormon like she once was.

When she first said, "I like Mitt Romney and Hillary Clinton," I wasn't sure whether she meant for them to be opposed, or on the same ticket. That might just be a worthwhile concept in a two-party world: two-party tickets?

Pretty sharp, eh? And great grandpa, who is 92 today, is still living in his own home in California, though he spends a lot of time in the midwest with his girlfriend. He's fun, too- likes to tease his daughters and do the things that irk them, like playing in the candle with a spoon while they try to clean up after the Thanksgiving feast.

Right, then. It's off to get through a few more movies: we have a list and we've been hard at it. It's a rough job, but somebody's gotta do it when there's a new flatscreen hdtv the size of Manhattan in the basement. Right?

Thanksgiving

Lovely lovely!

We cooked and ate and enjoyed the day together. My mother in law, Debbie, and I are scarily similar in a ridiculous amount of ways. We both like to do things our way, but both think of ourselves as helpful & easygoing, so when we're making things in the kitchen "together" much hilarity ensues.

We're all trying to wear off a few of the bazillion sugared calories by sitting in the living room watching Fido. I'm not sure the relatives like it, but J's parents did so our work here is done.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Webcams you can move: rrrrt, zssssst, rrrrrt

We are heading out, destination: Kalispell, Montana.

Here's a really cool webcam mounted at the airport there. You can move it around- actually make the camera turn from your keyboard! Nifty.

Even though we aren't going there right now, here's my favorite hometown webcam. Look at this when you think your weather is annoying. There are generally a couple of super cold days each year (colder than -40, for example) when the ice fog settles in and you can't see that cute church across the parking lot. Also, note how daylight savings time has been rendered even more ineffectual by The Fairbanks is Dang Far North Effect (tm). Here's a cuter Alaska one which watches red squirrels, in North Pole (the town about 15 miles outside of Fairbanks).

We'll be posting from the Toddler Spa's Big Sky Resort as long as no one explodes from all the fabulous food.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Eve.

Should should should should HAVE TO

The holidays have always been good times for me, and I felt bad for people who stressed about them. This year I'm starting to understand maybe just a little.

First off, no one came to our open house, which isn't all that surprising when you take into consideration all we did was put a sign out on the main road. I forgot to even put it on Craigslist until too late. Or... maybe we could have told every single person in Oregon and still no one would have stopped by because we aren't going to be able to sell it until Toby's growing pubic hairs. Sigh... at least it's clean...?

There's this purply-grey house-selling cloud settled over my right shoulder. It says we shouldn't go away for the holidays, that we should plunk ourselves down on the corner with a big sign saying "BUY MY HOUSE AND I'LL GIVE YOU A PUPPY" and wave it about like the Mattress World guys. I know that trying harder probably has nothing to do with selling FSBO real estate, but it still feels like the thing to do.

I am excited about seeing our relatives and more importantly having Toby expose them to his brilliance, but I don't relish the trip or my expandingness. I know it's annoying when pregnant women complain about how big they are, but GUYS! This is not a "cute bump" pregnancy. Apparently the backs of my arms, the width of my hips and the area just under my chin are all closely involved in growing baby bits, too. They have expanded accordingly, and we are not quite to six months here.

Who doesn't feel hyper aware of the state of their body when visiting relations? Fit people, I suppose, but then they can just feel all svelt and glowy while they bring me another vat of Dreyer's Egg Nog ice cream.

Thee carrss, dey broake.

But they should be returned to us tonight all better for the low low price of 800 (billion) dollars.

The house is almost sorta kinda ready. See?





































The grocery valet is not included in the asking price but we could be convinced to negotiate. I was cleaning up the garage today and still can't fathom how we need all this stuff. It will take us seventeen years to get it boxed up and down to Salem, and another thirty to unpack.

We have another open house tonight, so keep your keyboard crossed.

And then we watched the paint dry.

We are in the middle of our first open house (SUNDAY 1-6!!!!!!) but I'll tear myself away lest I forget to post. There are throngs of people crowding their way through our door, making offers left and right. I'll let J hold them off for a few precious minutes with you.

We painted the bedroom finally.


For some reason it looks really grey on my screen, but it's a sort of green on the wall. Not minty though. So I'm all painting-tired, and J must be double that because he did all the studly ladder work.

Continuing in the home selling naval gazing trend, let me tell you all about how we steam cleaned the carpets and they look awesome.

HEY! Wake up! I'm not done droning, and I need you to tell all your friends to at least stop by our place because we've only had one chick actually come in. Seriously. Go. Tell them all.

I do know how, I'm just out of practice.

Heh! It's technically Saturday, so bully for me and my Nablaksdfha self.

We just watched Children of the Corn. By we I mean I'm watching, surfing and baking while J has fallen asleep on the floor. I am incapable of falling asleep with the TV on- it used to curse me to skip sleeping entirely whenever I went to a sleep over because I didn't want to be so geeky as to shut of the set. (As you can see I've always been this incredibly secure.) I remember this movie being suuuuper freaky to the point I could barely watch, but now it's mainly funny. I wish Stephen King hadn't wussed out with the alien/monster ending like he so often does. He is always a better read, except in Stand By Me.

Speaking of reading, I haven't made it through anything not on a screen or a music stand for a long long while. I've had Cormac McCarthy'sThe Road on my nightstand undisturbed for quite some time, and I've been re-reading the same section of N.T. Wright's New Testament dealio for close to a year.

I see Oprah Herself is endorsing Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet. I completely loved that book in high school- I read it twice back to back.

It's not just that it's hard to find the time, it's that by the time I am free to sit quietly without serving anyone shorter than my viola case my mind is empty and gently buzzing. Something like what I imagine Hannah Montana music must sound like. So the only reading I feel up to is the clues (and sometimes answers) in my Will Shortz crossword compendium #14.

Cool

A post over at OhForFun jogged a memory, and I thought I ought to post this instead of cluttering up her comment space.

I was hired once to do a commercial for air conditioners, and we were "playing" the 4 Seasons. It was in my Tokyo days and I was asked to bring as many multi-cultural girl friends as I could drum up for $350 each. I told them up front they were being hired for their race and hotttness, and nobody said no. None of them played for real, and some of the instruments were lacking a string or two: it was hilarious.

Non-string players do the funniest stuff when they give the instrument a shot. Mostly there are lots of locked and swinging shoulders (think Thriller!) which results in the Cinderella sweeper bow maneuver: picture the motion of a scythe across the strings and you're halfway there. They also tend to go kind of cross-eyed while trying to keep that wily bow on the strings. Usually the viola-side elbow gets propped somewhere twisty on the torso, which makes their spine instantly shoot out backwards at an angle like that dude Igor in Young Frankenstein. I know it's mean, but come on, it's funny. I've found that most people can tell right off the bat if somebody in Hollywood is faking it, so that's always nice to know.

Anyway, my friends totally dug their 1.5 seconds of fame and as I remember since we were all professionally made up and young, we went out on the town that night. The finished ad involved lots of slow-mo and wide angle shots of a whole bunch of instruments with a soupy-sounding desecration of the already trampled Vivaldi piped in. We each had our split second of stardom- I swear it was at least as artistically fulfilling as a Bond CD.

I swear I would have traded the whole paycheck for a tape of that thing, but sadly for the whole internets, one never did materialize.

The kind of rain you have to squint to see.

I'm gonna post right now because it's 1:46 in the afternoon and I'm already tired out. Not because I have much to say, so I'll chatter as though you were all here in my kitchen, and I could make you a cup of coffee and a slice of my new favorite cranberry pumpkin bread. I'll even bake some extra berries and brown sugar on top the way you like.

Toby and I cleaned up the Aumsville Toddler Spa facility, loaded our stuff in the Jeep and trundled back up to PDX in a yucky rainstorm this morning. Can your really say rainstorm in Portland? It's just kind of spitty out, and grey. I used to love the big storms we got in Texas and New York. Tokyo, for that matter, has some impressive weather what with being on a modest-sized rocky island in the middle of several oceans and such. Portland needs to commit to a more passionate take on rain.

I cannot believe how much crap we had from just staying there a week. We made a big trip to Walmart (yay, capitalist oppressors, seduce me with your cheapness- and the fact that fricken everything is now made in China anyway) and also schlepped my mom's steam cleaner back to take a whack at our downstairs carpets before putting the house on the market this weekend. It took 8 trips in and out of the stupid lackluster rain to get it all in there, and half of it will wait to be unloaded until J I can get to it later.

Toby really actually was kind of helpful, sort of. He'll carry stuff around now, and understands the full meaning and ramifications of, "put that back right now." He likes to have jobs to do, and it's way easier to convince him to lug a bag of frozen pierogies equal to his weight into the house than it is to get him to stop running around barefoot in the garage careening in circles while flapping his hands for no obvious reason. I think it's all a shell game from here until he graduates high school. Look, honey, a college with coed dorms! If you get a 1600 on your SATs we'll make sure that's where you're kept.

Englewood

The elementary's called Englewood, which should immediately make all of you think of Tupac. You know, California Love? Shake it, baby, shake it? Englewood always up to no good?

Although, turns out in Cali it's spelled Inglewood. You know how wack those west siders are...

Also turns out that half the kids in that school fail math and reading and the class sizes are 26+, but it still gets a satisfactory rating.

Maybe I am destined to become that woman who home-schools her brood, rarely showers and mutters to herself while her eyes glaze over in the supermarket bulk food section. Toby was crying in Walmart today, so we're halfway to some kind of stereotype, right?

We always do this.

J walked from work to the house and back today just for a bit of excercise. It took 17 minutes each way. Hoowah!

However.

He says to me, "This neighborhood looks better at night. Some of these places are kinda dumpy." And I know at least one block of what he's talking about- a block behind us toward the big brick high school is crammed with "cottages", a few with seventies sheets in the windows and beater cars out front.

But our block is nice, and looking out our kitchen window they get nicer as you go. None of the dumpy places look full on Methinated or any of that, and he admitted it's "still a really quiet neighborhood."

I've always wanted to live downtown somewhere, and for the most part a bit of urban grit is appealing. There is a sliver (okay, a chunk) of my mind dedicated to worrying, though, and it is having a field day with this five-sentence cell conversation. Dude, we didn't even check out the elementary school before signing up for this place; what kind of parents are we?

Will we have to sit on the back deck while the kids play furtively in the back yard, tied to us with petite chains and wearing police beacons? Will every cool sculpture and flower box be raided the night we put it out by vagrant teen zombie gangs? (Sorry about that zombie part, I'm still thinking of Fido.)

Now that I think about it, if we ever do expand the kitchen it would be soooo easy to slip in a small panic room.

Shiny and New

Well, here we are again. It's so much harder to post when I don't really have computer access. Reading my favorite blogs just isn't going to happen on dial up and without my handy favorites list. I'm bummed because last year in Nablkaoithgj I met a lot of folks because I decided I would try to comment on several new blogs a day as well as posting on mine. Maybe once we get back to Portland.

I've been trying to figure out why exactly I think my life will be easier to balance and appreciate when we're in an honest to goodness house. A big part of it is just knowing J will be closer to work, and he'll gain 90 minutes a day to sleep or run or surf the internet. Whatever he wants, at least he won't be driving. Another shining beacon of hope is the ability to have a snazzy little studio in which to teach. I'll keep my college job, too, but I miss the flexibility of a home studio and the freedom to choose and fire students at will. I've only actually fired like two, ever, but still it's pleasant to think I will be in control. I always rather enjoy control. Fun new house factor number 3: my parents will be even closer! (I better type that really softly or Toby will crawl out of bed to do a softshoe routine while twirling a baton. Or something more masculine, who knows?

And the other nifty new house factor? That it's new. It has the shiny appeal of reinvention. Since high school I have moved every three years or so, and each time I've liked the chance to cull away lame habits and behaviors like they were so many boxes of gradeschool memorabilia collecting dust underfoot in the garage.

With this move I would like to continue my quest for consistency. I hope that with my own studio room thingie, I'll be able to commit to spending a certain amount of time in there each day practicing and studying the bible. I have been spotty about both lately and it's driving me nuts. One of my worst qualities is that when I am starting to feel panicky about my own lack of well-spent time I tend to project that all over whoever's nearby. I get cranky and impatient. The impatience is especially ironic since what am I so worried about all that precious time for, when I will clearly spend it NOT doing what would make me feel better?

Knowing another Ward is on his way, and having heard lots of moms of 2 tell me that the first few years with 2 is a tough transition, I think now's the time to get some habits going. Even if it's less time than my ideal, some every day will keep the nasty Miriam at bay.

IF we can sell our place and no one else swoops in on this one first.

Lucky #13

Well, this is it. My lamest Nablokaherk post yet. Or shortest.

They accepted our offer with the contingency that we can sell our place first.

In the immortal words of Clark Griswold, "this is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy..."

Here's a ditty from the Carmina Burana I was complaining about. With the choirs and soloists, it's not nearly so boring to rehearse. I have highlighted my favorite lines: mooning the moon/fate, and everyone crying after the stringman is struck down. I wonder if there will be an audition for the string man's now vacant chair in the viola section...

O Fortune,
like the moon you are changeable,
ever waxing and waning;
hateful life first oppresses
and then soothes as fancy takes it;
poverty and power
it melts them like ice.

Fate - monstrous and empty,
you whirling wheel,
you are malevolent,
well-being is vain
and always fades to nothing,
shadowed and veiled
you plague me too;
now through the game
I bring my bare back
to your villainy.

Fate is against me in health
and virtue,
driven on and weighted down,
always enslaved.
So at this hour without delay
pluck the vibrating strings;
since Fate strikes down the string man,
everyone weep with me!

We just walked in off the street...

2pm yesterday- J goes to an open house at a place with, like, 12 square feet of space. It's thriftstore cheap, and it's in a neighborhood we like so it seems worthwhile to look.

2:10- Seeing that access to the one bathroom (no shower!!!!!!!!!!!?) requires going through what would be our kids room, J wisely decides to politely leave.

2:15- Just around the corner he notices that another house that caught his eye has people in it.

2:30- He emerges from the house with a halo of bluebirds chirping around his head and some squirrels pulling at his pants leg. A racoon fishes his cell out of his coat pocket and dials my number for him.

4- In the middle of a grindingly boring rehearsal (Orff= not "the man" in relation to viola parts when orchestrating. Snore.) I can't stop thinking of the fact that J called a house beautiful and that he knows what a coved ceiling is. And that he practically squeaked, "it's so cute!"

8am today- We obnoxiously call the agent for the house to see if she can let us see it.

9am- We skip from room to room pointing out things we like. Like that there are lots of rooms (4+) and that it was build in 1908 and that the original hardwoods are there, under some new carpeting only recently put down. Also at some point the owners bought the lot next door, removed the buildings and made a honkin' big yard. We think the only reason it hasn't sold is that they bought their paints at Drab Bros. Taupe-Grey Emporium and appear to have had an aversion to plants of any sort.

5pm- The agent meets us at a coffee shop and we make an offer.

6:30pm- While eating dinner I realize I'm not worried about this one either way. If we don't get it then we don't have to move. If we do, then I get to live in a rad old place and J can walk home for lunch.

8pm- We go back and walk around the adjacent blocks with our Meth-dar (like radar, see?) on high, but all we see are sweet well-maintained craftsmen and cozy Tudor cottages. There is a dog in the next yard, but when I tell it to cram it, it does. And then after a few minutes the pup's owner comes out to see who's snooping around yammering about expanding this, building that and debating the qualities of arbor vitae vs. your leafier hedges. When there are two wierdos in the yard of the vacant house next door, you want the kind of neighbor who'll come out to see what's what as far as I'm concerned.

Looking at it all laid out like this, I realize it's kind of like proposing to somebody after meeting them on your first day at the tabernacle or something. Shazah!

ps. We can't do "Noah", sadly, because then it's Noah Ward. No Award. Huh- sigh.

Orff, I'm tired.

I'm trying to type quietly because my parents are sleeping in the next room. They're combining an elk hunting trip with a visit to my mom's parents in scenic Opportunity, Montana and will probably head out before we even wake up.

I'm tired from driving to and fro playing in Podunk Symphony Orchestra. We're doing Carmina Burana- you know it, even if you're not a musician. It's that dark-sounding orchestra thing with a big choir going Eee Eee Aww Aww (ka-BOOM) Eee Eee Aww Aww (ka-BOOM) Ee Ee aw awwwwww-e-ehhh. I think it't the Damian theme, which is funny now that I think about it since J is pulling for that as a middle name just to drive me crazy.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of Toby from about a year ago. He used to do these amazing push-ups before he really stood much. Mostly if he was naughty, I'd tell him to drop and give me twenty. As you can see, he complied with a smile.



Man, it took about 17 hours to upload this on dial-up. I almost missed my Nablkadhr deadline.

Salem: not a slum!

We drove around Salem and Keizer, Oregon today looking for neighborhoods where we might someday decide it's worth it to buy a house, then schlep all our junk over, pile in and set up shop.

Salem gets a bad rap, particularly from Portlanders. There's a popular email going around describing the different area's theme Barbies. I don't remember the exact specs, but it was something like this: Beaverton Barbie (our current locale) is a SAHM who cuts you off in her mini-van and talks on her cell 23.5 hours a day and wears expensive sweats with words written across the bum, Portland Barbie's wearing all recycled fiber clothes and sports an endless this war bumper sticker on her Prius, though she'll flip you off faster than let you into her lane. Well, Salem Barbie had something like a toddler on one hip, cut off shorts and a leather jacket with one pocket stuffed full of Meth and a switchblade in the other.

See? Poor Salem, it really has a lot of charming areas.

Look at this:

Near downtown, hardwoods meticulously kept (built 1924), lots of attention to vintage stuff, 3br and only $219.

For 219 in Portland, you get... uh... nothing. Maybe a mobile home where a suspicious death investigation recently occurred over off 82nd.

Salem's got historic areas, one of which we totally covet: bordered by the incomparable Minto Brown Park with its jillion miles of bike trails. It's charming, and not in the real-estate meaning where charming = divey and moldered.

I'm off to play the last performance of the opera until Aida in the spring. Bon soir, mes amis des ronguer. (we're watching Ratatouille)!

That is total TP.

After posting a bunch of angsty stuff about playing and being new in town (geeze, I've been here more than a year- why do I still feel new?) and such, I have run into several interesting conversations both in real life and through the laptop.

One of the opera's violinists is moving out of state and has decided not to audition for the local stuff where she's headed. Instead she'll take a non-music degree at the university, which will give her a scholarship for playing in the orchestra. Sounds great, I smiled and nodded, but THEN she said, "I came to terms with the fact that I was at the peak of my playing a few years back and could do nothing more about it, and I just don't want to work up an audition for groups I'm not sure will interest me." She is a whopping 42 years old.

That first thing, about the peaking? Scared the crap out of me. I have never thought this way, ever. Thinking about this Theory of Peaking (TP), I realize that not only do I disagree, but I'd like to live my life in a way that disproves it. Who doesn't want to see themselves as a better artist ten years down the road? How is it possible that playing a musical instrument, which is a time-based artistic expression involving a billion jillion variables, would suddenly NOT be able to change? Geeze, if I ever feel that I think I will walk away from the music stand and put up a viola for sale sign right then and there. (Unless I'm playing with Bjork or the Orpheus. Then I'd wait until after the gig.)

I think we get better the more music we encounter. Or the more co-performers we adapt to, or the more we discover what it is that really turns us on or off. Actually, I know it's worn out but I'm pretty sure that the things we encounter everyday have a profound effect on our artistic lives. Not just how we deal with people or what we choose to play, but how we play and hear everything.

Every teacher worth his salt (and many who are not) uses little stories, images, similes and metaphors. Passages become icey, dancing, hot, fat, shy, you name it. I was once thoroughly embarrassed when I went to play for a (male) famous violist at about age 20 and he saw the word "Sexy" written over a tie in my Bach. (My teacher was a little out there at the time...) Who hasn't had a chase scene, courtship, argument suggested to them in a chamber music coaching? We live to make context*, and if you have more stories to draw from, it stands to reason you will have better stories to tell. That alone invalidates the TP. And I haven't even gotten to the technical aspects of playing.

I remember when I was about 16 I went to my first "real" music festival (the defunct Johannessen International School of the (snarky) Arts in Victoria, BC) and there was this Russian hot-shot violin teacher in his 60's who everyone worshipped. Isn't there always? Everyone thought he was amazing, and the thing they all said was that he got better with each year. I remember hearing him practice scales & arpeggios every single morning across the quad: it didn't sound like just "maintenance" to me. He continued to improve, technically, well into his seventies. But what if you don't think you can do that?

Another great example of the anti-peak is Karen Tuttle. I studied with her in my undergrad in weekly studio classes, and I'm going to be completely honest. She was a great person of spunk, and taught some people incredibly well, but by the time our paths crossed she had lost some control of her small motor skills leaving her unable to play "well". But! I still enjoyed some of the things she demonstrated in class, in particular when she would show the range of colors she wanted in a certain phrase. Her playing not only still had merit, I would lay money (no coupons, even!) that for her purposes it was better than it had been in her youth.

Yet another pivotal teacher of mine lacks the kind of rich, deep, consistent sound you might expect from a person of their professional stature. However, every musical idea this person attempts is transmitted with such striking clarity that audiences are utterly convinced of the truth in the interpretation. The pieces are better for this person playing them, and there's a healthy cult following of the violist's career and teaching. I love to listen, and I fully expect that they would choose to play differently 5 years from now, because they consciously make sure their playing continues to evolve.

Anyway, I love when I get stuck on an idea or am in the throes of some funk and God dumps 14 examples of other folks' thoughts in my lap. These conversations have been so specific and unexpected (the TP chick and I were merely discussing which of her plants still needed homes) that I can't get around them with a label of "coincidence."


*We can talk about concrete music at a later, hopefully less verbose, date.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't care if you're the personnel manager and have played in this orchestra for like 30 years and have a nasty temper. I want you to know you should NOT be doing origami with cellophane or whatevertheheck you were doing in the middle of a RECITATIVE*! That's just rude and annoying, Mr. Cruddy Unprofessional Trombonist. Also, you are often out of tune. Pblttlbltlobltltltltlt!

*the super-quietest part of an opera, where all the strings try to whisper notes together and of exactly matching lengths while a singer does solo vocal gymnastics, and the conductor's eyes bug out a little while sweat runs past them onto his harpsichord.

Wuff!

I don't know how late I'll be home tonight after the opera (the first time I typed that it came out "oprrra", which when I think about it could be kind of catchy) so I thought I'd post now to relieve any anxiety and eliminate the chance I might forget.

How's about I tell you about a movies you should see?

Fido. If you like
a)odd characters
b)Carrie-Ann Moss
c)50's retro design
d)movies about servants behaving poorly
or
e)zombies, you will love Fido.

It's a strange trip, involving a world stuck in the 50's (the set design and cars are sufficiently entertaining!) where zombies have become domestic servants. It's also a boy-and-his-dog story. My parents liked it, I think, though they thought it was really wierd. Usually when we bring them the freaky stuff, they hit the hay if it's too out there for them, but BOTH stayed up PAST 10pm for this.

My grass...

I wonder if it will ever be green enough.




Today I recieved a very nice compliment about my playing, and I'm still not entirely satistfied. I want the "you won the audition and also here's a free puppy and an eggnog latte" to go along with the sentiment.

I am the kind of violist where critics/commentators/friends usually mention my sound or my musicality, both of which are pretty much my favorite things about the viola; they're what make it the best instrument. Since they're what I like to hear in others, it is a huge boost when somebody gives me positive feedback on my own sound & expression. But there are other strengths I'd like to have. The strengths that win auditions, for example.

Consistency (n): harmony of conduct or practice with profession.
While I was working on my fairly useless doctorate (FUD in Music Performance), my teacher and I focused a lot on consitency. After moving to Portland, I was given audition comments along the lines of, "you can sound wonderful but it sometimes fades in and out and needs to be more consistent. How's about we hire no one and you sub for us for the next 17 years instead, 'kay?"

I admit I sometimes agreed with their assessment, especially of the short excerpts of my playing on which they base their opinions. You can't afford to lose concentration or have something unexpected crop up- in fact, allowing those possibilities is unprofessional. Jen the wunderbar said it very well- whatcha have to do is evaluate the Suck Factor, and just decide to bring the very worst sections of any performance and eventually your playing in general up to the minumum SF. Seems obvious, but it's easy to instead focus on shifting, for example, or bow control or rhythm or speed or getting convincingly through whatever nasty passage you need to have ready by rehearsal tomorrow. With concentrated effort, consitency's what I've worked on- mostly with the aid of my MD recorder, lessons with a great teacher from the Symphony section, and more- ha- consistent practicing of excerpts specifically.

Today's compliment? Somebody told me I am, "a very precise, very accurate player...[with] nothing to work on specifically". I giggled at that last bit- hopefully she thought I was just overwhelmed with joy and agreement. In my mind, that meant that for the 15 minute audition-type thing I played, she thought I demonstrated "consistency", and confirmed I am indeed heading in the right direction. I wish she had said, "now you're #1, you're the tops, here's a secret contract in which we've provided for a maid and weekly masseuse." But oh well, I can buy my own dang (extremely consistent- kudos to the Mr. Bucks corporation) latte.

Gaslighting for fun and profit.

I think this baby is gaslighting me. Our heavenly Wiki teaches: Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It uses persistent denials of fact which, as they build up over time, make the victim progressively anxious, confused, and unable to trust his or her own memory and perception.

Since the little noodle (II) can't really deny or confirm facts in his current location, he has taken instead to poisoning me with my own hormones.

Last night after writing that cheery post, I spent like an hour slobbering and bawling to J about how I wish I was better at everything and how guilty I feel that I get insane with boredom some days. I know there are parents out there who would love to get as much time with their offspring as I do, and mostly I do enjoy it. Yesterday was rough. Part of it was the newfound skillz Toby decided to work on: whining and getting his feelings hurt. So he would whine and I would say, "Please ask me for what you want. How do you ask nicely?" and he would say, "Iiiiiice? Ice? Ice! Iiiiice?" so I'd say, "What word do you need to use? I don't like it when you whine like that." and he would say, (pause to inhale all the molecules in the kitchen and a few from the front hallway) "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

Other times he'd say, "Water? Waaahdur?! Water!!" and I'd say, "It's right there, by your toybox." and he'd inhale half the living room and 1/3 of my left leg and go, "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

And then I'd poke myself in the brain with one of our barbeque skewers.

He's really an easy kid. That's the problem. If I can't be patient with a generally rockstar, laid-back, easygoing kid, what is the matter with me? And how am I going to do right by two or three of these units?

So this morning I resolved to take it easy, to just try and enjoy my day and to not miss any of the good stuff. I got up early, showered even, and then went in to change the kiddo for the day. At one point, as I bent down to get something he had knocked off the table, he kicked me full force squarely in the eyeball. It's by far the most painfull thing he's done to me, and it actually made me cry like the wacko mom I'm starting to think I am. I didn't reprimand him much because it was a semi-unintentional accident, except to blubber, "no kicking, Toby- see, it hurts Mama." He looked at me like he was trying not to laugh.

Within a few minutes we were back on track giggling at a book, but there are days like this where in the end I don't know if I'm just being a completely horrible wussy mom to even feel this sorry for my sad pregator self. The stupid thing about hormones is they take something minor that legitimately bothers you and turn it into International Huge Crapfest 2007.

I've read that they used to just knock ladies out, give them a c-section and wake them up to their new bundles of joy. I wonder how far in advance the knocking-out part can take place... say, 4 or 5 months?

She cooks, she cleans... she snores.

I've always done things in semi-obsessive spurts, which is fine as long as it's a hobby or you're twelve years old. It gets more embarrassing now that I have responsibilities beyond myself and, say, a dog. For example, I'm supposed to keep a house not only in order, but arrange it thoughtfully yet casually and always with a hint of hip irony so that every room reflects who we are inside (geeze thanks, Oprah, HGTV, a million bloggers and apartment therapy).

Meals are more difficult because they require preparation and constant forethought. They should be provided with thought to the habits you want to cultivate for the rest of your kid's life- that's right, this is the first arena in which I have already begun to do things because they are easier, even though I don't like them. Lately I've been seen popping Cheeze Dogs (I am not kidding) in the microwave, genuinely happy that Toby at least remembered to say Weenah, Pweeeez. The word "weiner" and the weiners themselves introduced themselves to us at a certain Montana Toddler Spa, but I ain't gonna lie and say I wouldn't have given them to him myself after seeing him polish them off his plate and ask for more. He's at that stage where he wants only one thing (mostly) for a few days and then, when you're in the groove and on board and have laid in a nice supply he changes his mind. It's frustrating to prepare what he loved every bit of yesterday only to have him leave it and beg for something else. We don't really give in to that within the course of one "meal", but once he goes tepid on something he sticks to it.

J's new job means we actually have the ability to eat dinner together, all at the same time and place, without waiting to eat until 8:30pm. I find myself suddenly unprepared and frozen (ha! because we heat up frozen chemicals for dinner! ha!) in the spotlight, even though I used to fancy myself a proficient enough cook: I even enjoyed it. Now it seems like such a challenge to get real food together and to remember that potatoes are not a vegetable.

In Japan, my closest friend was also into cooking and she knew all the Japanese veggies and such, so we often collaborated in her kitchen, spending hours over a bottle of wine and a mess of impromptu ingredients. That is my favorite kind of cooking, and life.

Nowadays I'm fairly convinced that both in my cooking and in finding some ridiculously small shred of balance to cling to, I am in need of better recipes. I want somebody else to show me what to do, tell me what works. Should I keep trying to sub with all the groups in town or focus on my chamber music and teaching? Should I scramble to get more on my career plate or just let it go for a few years and try to practice consistantly without immediate goals? Should I finally try cooking those wheat berries I bought months ago from the bulk section at Winco or just fall back on 10-minute couscous with parmesan (again)? Is bagged salad really going to give us all cancer of the butt and turn everyone's farm into a Walmart parking lot?

You see the connection, no? Failure in one area, slippage in some part of my duties as a Miriam and I feel like it is all about to go. I literally end the day feeling lame unless I can get it all in the air at once, and that just isn't happening very often. If I cook up a storm, I don't practice enough. If I take Toby for a fabulous park-filled walk, I nap through the precious bathroom cleaning appointment. And then it's suddenly 9pm and I'm kind of full and grumpy and sleepy and several other of the dwarves, and I just want to curl up with some crosswords and go to bed. Who goes to bed that early? (Hi, Mom!) I guess the great meandering pregasaurus does, that's who.

Frumpity frump frump.

Look, sunshine. It's cheerful.
Tonight we talked favorably about a minivan.With no trace of irony.

I have started clipping coupons. My mom saves them for me.

I am in the market for some heel-less black shoes, and if you tail gate me I might just drive even slower.

My blog is sometimes about my toddler, and the other day I caught a glimpse of my cousin's kid's soccer picture on the fridge and thought hmmmm...

I graduated high school right about the time my college viola student toddled off to her first day of Kindergarten.

Third!

It's the third of November. The third day of posting. And the third time I am feeling inadequate and unprepared.

I should be given a hefty bunch of handicap points today, though: I'm posting from Aumsville, Oregon on dial-up. That's right- there are still people in the world who cannot get DSL because they live too far out in the sticks for anyone to bother running the cables to them.

In lieu of actual thoughts, I'll tell you about Josh Bell's playing the other day. It was great- way better than I had thought it would be, even. I think I've successfully cultivated my "jaded professional" skin, thick and scaly with a slight green tinge to it. There are plenty of amazingly talented players who I respect, and a boatload of others whose technical ease I covet openly. But the "I think I'd like to play chamber music with/ buy all their cds/ listen to/ even pay actual money to see rather than scamming comps from friends" category is pretty empty. In violin there are some old guys plus Victoria Mullova, Gil Shaham, and now Mr. Red Violin himself.

He even played a snippet of Red Violin music as an encore- and I remember being annoyed with that fricken melody about 1/3 of the way in- and it was literally stunning. When it was all said and done and we mere mortal musicians were milling our way toward stage right, a violist with the best sense of humor started to play- faux extra poorly- the first few bars of that Kreutzer etude we have all played a million times.

Anyway, JB was a stud, as advertised.

Also, the violist next to me is going to be my friend. She may not know it yet, and I may have to stalk her a little. This I know, and this knowledge is mine simply because she answered my, "Great shoes!" with, "Thanks- they're from Cross Dressers dot com." and smiled one of them straight-forward Minnesota smiles.

...in which she comported herself impeccably.

What a day!

I spent the best part of it with a cool and seriously world-famous new friend. I met her on the internet and she is rad. You know her, but it would be so gauche to violate her privacy and brag about her true identity. Let's just call her Wonder Woman, shall we?

I am most proud of how I put my best personality traits on display with Fabulous Boisienne Wonder Woman.

A few, modest examples:

• I showed her my carefree, delightfully spontaneous side. (I spilled on myself. Twice.)

• I proved that I keep my incredible attention to detail from becoming tedious. (I forgot the title of the piece on which I based my final Doctoral Lecture Recital. From last year. And this after I brought it up.)

• I demonstrated my consistency and determination. (I required a trip to the loo every hour on the hour, and more often when it became at all inconvenient.)

And now, I am exhausted. The opera performed tonight and it was my most how-many-pages-left playing yet, although the singers were fabulous and my true love was even there to hear it.

At some point this month there will be a post that counts, one that really hits the viola out of the parking lot. For now, this is all I got.

Mwah!

Now with Labels! for Nablaeroiueajhflgjf.

I am jumping right on in to Nablaofdhtag, with a pithy, amuse-bouche of a post. Tomorrow. Maybe.

Today, however, I'm heading back to my beloved Podunk, Oregon to play a rehearsal and concert with their esteemed orchestra. Famous heart-throb violinist (betcha didn't expect to see that phrase outside the early 19th century, but just read his press packet! He puts the sexy in the string section.) Josh Bell is playing with them.



I like his playing, he's always fun to watch. He once sort of sprayed sweat on my music accidentally. When conductors do this it's annoying, but Mr. Indiana was somehow not so bad. This one time, at band camp Aspen, he played so sexy he broke his chinrest. It's made of hard wood and metal carpenter clamps, but he snapped it like a cockroach under his manly, musical chin.

He's rumored to be nice enough, and he's certainly had brief but memorable relationships with all sorts of my friends. He used to provide a big party for whatever festival he played, which is pretty much the smartest way ever to ensure a loyal following in the classical community. Forget the blue-haired ladies, buy yourself some patrons with a bottle of rum and a case of Coke.

Time for me to pile into our mileage car and head out. You may be the last people I say more than a polite sentence to for the next ten hours, so wish me well my friends. I don't even have a stand partner to play games with. Hmph.

NOVA implosion

I used to teach English in Japan. I worked for 2 years for the Japanese Ministry of Education as part of the Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET) program, until I quit that to play the REALLY sweet freelance orchestra scene. JET was an extremely generous deal, and I would recommend it to anyone at all interested in spending some (relatively lucrative) time abroad. Some of the teachers end up with free housing and if you get posted in the boondocks, you will automatically save a lot of yen. We were in Tokyo, and I was like 24 going on 16 so I kind of spent it all. Sigh.

The front page of the Oregonian today has an expose-syle story about the collapse of a private English lesson company in Japan called NOVA. NOVA and the JET program had just one thing in common: neither required a drop of Japanese language skillz whatsoever, and both paid more than a person could get in the states for teaching, especially with zero experience.

NOVA's reputation when I was in Tokyo always had a certain social aspect, and if I remember right men could request women tutors and vice versa so as to work in a little cool-foreign-social-club atmosphere. We used to tease one of our friends about being a Twinkie (NOVA hostess). It didn't pay as much as the the JET program, but then again at the time you could just up and move to Japan, put on a respectable outfit one day and get a job at NOVA, where all the "teaching" was done from pre-fab workbooks. We used to party with some of the NOVA folks, and that particular batch were seriously wild-seed-sowing types- I think it was a contemporary version of backpacking around Europe in search of good weed. They were ALWAYS out in force in Roppongi, the club area of town, and I don't think they ever caught anything earlier than the morning trains home.

The JET program, in contrast, required us to have a bachelors in something (even music counted! Can you imagine?!) interview extensively at the embassies in the states and once hired we taught children in the public school system, always side by side with a Japanese teacher who had, you know, a degree and stuff. Initially we were exactly as qualified as NOVA teachers, but we were given a lot more training and motivation to foster "internationalism" (JET participants eventually grow really really tired of that vaguely meaningless word). Most of the JET folks were pretty serious about learning Japanese if for no other reason than the fact that we all spent 7 hours a day in a school surrounded by people who were not fluent, and we were only allowed to teach a few classes a day. So there were all these "extra" hours, which I used like everybody did- to try to improve my Japanese. (And I practiced a lot while being paid- it was an incredible concept.) Like I said, not a bad deal at all. I know at least one person who wrote the better part of a novel while working in rural Japanese elementaries.

ANYway, the articles coming out now about these poooor innocent NOVA teachers stuck in horrible dark foreigner-using inscrutable Japan make me smirk just a little. I feel bad for the folks waiting for their pay- one in the Oregonian article said they owe her something like $10,000. But that's a lot of lessons, people. At some point, would the herd not look up from the feed trough and think, hey, I'm missing the last 37 paychecks? And "dark"?!?!? Japan has one of the lowest crime rates in the world, and this is in a very crowded, very modern country with a huge number of people under 35. It's not like they are stuck in Bagdad for Fuji's sake.

The article mentions several times that the Oregonian 20-somethings they interviewed don't speak Japanese. They have each been in country for several years. Does no one else smell the familiar ooze of overpaid entitlement here? I understand they should be paid for the contract they signed- and hey, tangent, that's another thing! The teachers are saying they signed a contract stateside for enough hours to make them eligible for benefits, but upon arrival at NOVA there would be just enough of a reduction to make them have to pay the company for bennies. What is this, the mining era? If you're getting screwed over from day one, perhaps you have chosen poorly, grasshopper. How come they all stayed and taught if it was all such a bad deal?

My favorite quote? "There's (sic) whole blogs now on the best trains to pickpocket on (sic)." If these buttheads are seriously feeling justified turning to crime instead of, oh, I don't know, LOOKING FOR OTHER WORK, then I sort of hope NOVA chapter-11's them out of everything. They'll all end up living with ma & pa in Portland, working at Starbucks and spreading lies about how difficult and racist life is in Japan.

Ahem. Random high horse post: complete.
Sayonara, 'till tomorrow.

Times they are a'changin

I know this isn't our adoption blog, but there comes a point where it is impossible to really separate these parts of my life.

This is a picture of the girl we might or might not have as our daughter in the near future. We're just waiting for word from her state workers as to how her parents are doing on their caseplans.

I am more and more apprehensive, I have to admit. As this pregnancy progresses, I wonder how we'll do with 2 newbies at once. Selfishly, I wonder about how this will effect my playing- something I was already wondering about the DIY baby.

There have been a few folks in our lives who have not been as excited about adoption, and while I know their intentions are pure and their thoughts run toward our protection, it's sometimes hard to know how to respond. It's hard to explain that I feel a certain parental defensiveness of a kid who is not yet and might never be truly ours. This is further complicated by the fact that we most likely will adopt at some point, so the antiquated opinions they express are about one of our children. Like a mom I met recently said, the kid "was" adopted- a monumental event in her life, and now she's just her kid. You'd be surprised the number of folks who would actually think like Royal Tenenbaum: "this is my adopted daughter, Margot".

Anyway, I felt disingenuous pretending it's possible to segregate my life into adoption/unleaded, and this is what is going through my beady little brain today.

We're off to the Aumsville toddler spa for a few days. I'll try to drag myself down to the coffee-wifi hotspot at some point. It'll be rough, but I'd do that for you, and for Nabllaehriarh training.

Crankiness mitigator

I'm a joiner. (part II)

I'm doing Nabloadpsifhawerhe again! (So you will be pelted with the gem-like drops of jupiter that are my blog posts daily for the month of November. Joy? Joy.)

And I even joined a group. There were so many to choose from- from the potentially self-righteous (cloth diaperers, unschoolers, gardeners- you know the type) to the wacky (fat bloggers, bikes are fun, crazy cat people).

The group I joined? Because pregnant groups and mommy groups just didn't catch my fancy today? Cranky bloggers. But I'll try not to let it get too fussy in here. Get it?! Fussy started Naboad;sfkjkfjgha?! Hah! Maybe I should start an unfunny bloggers group...

Oh, Garrison.

We have listened to Prairie Home Companion for years now. A bassoonist friend of mine even worked as Garrison Keillor's assistant for several years, and said it was a good time.

But today's show was the final straw. We have for some time been turning the volume waaaayyyy down when the show's normal members sing. But today we might as well have unplugged the thing. I think they ruined the milk in the fridge.

It's time to put a long run to bed and go out while things are still... popular.

Don't say I never taught you nothin

Did you know that both Merry and Pippin mean "truth"?

But no, I swear I wouldn't do that to him.

XY... let's call him Zed!

Yay! A pert triangle appeared between two femurs (we were looking up from underneath).

I feel prepared for another boy.

Except we were going to name the baby Charlotte.

So, did somebody mention names?
Here are our requirements:
1. It can't be very high on the most popular names list. I really liked that there was never another Miriam in my class at school. In fact the only other I've ever really interacted with socially was a gospel pianist in Madison and she was such a hoot. Plus I was there first so everyone called her by her full name, and I got to be the original. Like they said on House the other day, she was Miriam Lite.

Because of my love for difference, if I were a single mom my kids would have fruit nuts names. I love Asher and Ezra. Aren't they lucky they have Jonathan on their side?

2. If it shortens, it's gotta be a good nick. Richard just seems cruel. We liked Charlotte, but Charles is iffy because then it becomes Chuck. Cute in Peanuts, but in real life ew.

3. It does NOT have to be biblical, even though the ones I mentioned liking tend to be and Tobias sort of is.

Boys are sweet! Getting hugged by the tiny ones is so lovely. And they are easier to diaper, so there we go. Yay for boys!

I (will) heart you.

Tomorrow morning I have an ultrasound where they will look for certain Organs.

Knowing the baby is a boy or girl is essential to me feeling closer to it. Picking names, getting together an itty-bitty wardrobe, and daydreaming about eventual bedroom designs makes it much more real to me.

I have been worrying a lot more this time around. Maybe the baby doesn't move enough, maybe I didn't take enough folic acid, maybe my eggs are getting old and raisin-like. It's a lot to keep track of.

Look, a picture!

Trees are pretty.

This is it, the time of year for which I love Portland most. This area has the longest fall ever. To my once-Alaskan body, it feels almost like there is no winter, that fall stretches on until you start to wonder if there are any other seasons left and spring finally shows up. Even the cute little snowstorms that utterly sideline life here wouldn't have heralded the start of Winter-for-reals in Fairbanks. They would have been forshadowing at most. Plus, smack in the middle of the worst months here you still see the odd 65 degree sunny day, and that just can't be part of W-f-r in any sort of manly definition.

Today it's 70 degrees, the sun is shining and the air is crisp and clean. To say there are a lot of different kinds of deciduous trees here is just not adequate. The variety of maples alone is incredible, and this is their moment to burst into flame, or melt into purples, or light up with gold. Also, a perk of living in a homogenized carton of townhomes is that they have these nice men who come and blow it all away twice a week.

It has been a nice fall all around. On our Montana road trip last week, the larch were a delicate yellow that looked like sunlight itself was sitting among the pines. In all the years I've done that drive (since infancy, dude- just ask J about my love for the 10,000 Silver Dollar Bar and you'll understand it is an infatuation held over from elementary days), I don't think I had ever seen it right at the peak of color, and it looked like holiday candles smell. There is something so Bachian in a mountain covered in trees shaped alike, half christmassy pine and half golden shadows. I kept thinking about the Goldberg variations, and I promise I'm not usually fruity like that.

Concert review: PFMS

Last night's Portland Folkmusic Society concert was, in all honesty, wayy cooler than I had expected. I knew Jen and Aage's sets would be worth hearing- and they really are as rad as everybody is saying. I can't wait to see them again. The repertoire! The sass! The lovely timbres! And I can say I sort of know them now, so I'm, like, totally in.

The other acts were fun, too. The concert featured artists from the Rampur records label, which is basically a small folky funky hippie kind of thing as far as I can tell. The founder guy looked a lot like my uncle John, except my uncle would never sing a Janis Joplin song while accompanying himself on the mouth-bow. Imagining my uncle John as anything remotely approaching a hippie is... just wrong and it gave me the giggles during the show. I know, despite my professional musician papers, I am about four years old as an audience member.

The third act, Tricia Alexander, really surprised me. Every time she opened her mouth to speak all I could hear was Joan Cusack in one of her Minnesota accent roles.






But then she sang some blues and played the harmonica- and when some one really plays that thing, it's not just what pitches come out, it's the way they breath through it and the rhythm they make with all those little auxiliary sounds achieved with the cupped hand's angles. Some of her stuff was what I had expected- sort of preachy folk guitar driven stuff, but then! She really brought out some great deep rooty soul. If I had just found her unannounced on the radio I would have pictured an aging black songstress.

How sad is it that I don't go to concerts very often? Very. The things I like tend to be so danged expensive, and then there's the tyke, and there is always some reason not to, y'know? But this time, I am so glad I went. Here's hoping this is the beginning of a concert-going trend.

Hola!

He's bilingual!









We have approximately seven thousand electronic noisy toys for Toby, all of which were gifts from the grandparents and various relatives. My mom knows I can be a little prissy about how annoying this kid stuff can be, but he really really likes them. He'll play for hours on his own, going from his singing bike to the "happy and you know it" car, to the newest, a car steering wheel console that announces all sorts of things in either English or Spanish.

The first thing a toddler does with this stuff is figure out exactly where every bell and whistle lives, and then they will choose a few favorites and press those. Repeatedly is not a strong enough word. We once had to give up a Spanish Frog doll up for adoption because she was so insanely horribly shrill. If you've seen the more recent Willy Wonka where the dolls are on fire, you know what I mean.

Toby always sets the steering wheel to Spanish, and after he's left it for about 30 seconds, it says "see you later" as though it were a possessed and clingy prop from a bad Outer Limits episode. But I can live with that, because as of tonight (drumroll please) my genius darling is speaking a foreign language. So far it's just "Waygo", as in hasta luego, but it's a start. Sometimes I speak Japanese to him when one of us is really bored- maybe I ought to ramp that up a bit. How cool if I could ask him embarrassing questions in our own secret language once he starts potty training, for instance. Of course, in Portland it's not like Japanese is a rarity.

Ahhhh, parents really do think every little thing a child produces is a glowing gem. I suppose it's inevitable, Senor Anderson.

Schmah!

Update/Warning: upon reading this post a few hours later, I realize that being your own cheering section is profoundly dorky. And maybe a little desperate. But still, I never claimed not to love, emulate and maybe resemble Pollyanna, so you get what you get. Just remember I'm usually much cooler, more bitter and insecure.
**************************

I think I am getting better at playing the viola, and that makes me really happy. I played for a friend in the symphony last week, and the audition today went well. My concerto in particular seems to be back in shape after a somewhat ragged experience in Podunk, Oregon a few weeks back.

In preparing for this I tried to imagine I was going to play the actual symphony audition. (It was actually just a sub audition, and kind of a farce at that because they're effectively unable to hire subs this year.) I was pleased that I was able to settle myself and focus on what I wanted to hear, even though one thing they requested wasn't ready.

This isn't the kind of audition you "win", really. Except maybe they'll keep calling when they can hire. But two more of the violists there have now heard me play, so that's something.

I have a student at the little college! So now I'm going to play for people much more frequently, since I'll have the dough to cover those who charge.

It's true, there are fifty little brats in conservatories right now with nothing better to do in the world than practice excerpts all day. But I'm going to just keep doing what's in front of me and try everything I can to continually improve and really compete when big contracts are available. I want to be greater. What's the alternative?

Wrap up!

Today is J's last day at the firm.

Last!

He has two whole complete weeks off before beginning the new job, which you need know only two three things about.
1. 8am-5pm, baby. Unheard of, right? In law, a giant fairy tale!
2. More interesting work. That's pure speculation- will confirm or deny soon.
3. Locale is in MUCH cheaper area 45 minutes away. Four bedrooms any one?

We are packing up the kid, the kid's cars and trucks, the kid's bed and diapers and creams, the kid's treats and books, our own toothbrushes and maybe some fresh clothes, and heading to MONTANA on Wednesday.

I have an audition for a job that doesn't exist on Tuesday (the major arts organization who can't hire subs this year is having a sub audition), but otherwise we are unencumbered and ready to hit the road.

Last!

Non!

Okay, now that it's over, I'm going to dish about the gig I had these past few weeks.

First of all, the conductor had a wierd habit of sweating under his man-maries, except he wasn't obese and didn't really have any. But still, there were two stains kind of like large eyes staring out at us by the end of every rehearsal. And a distinct lack of pit stains. Disturbing.

Second, he was extremely annoying and just bad. He told us to listen to the singers rather than follow him. So there I am, deep within the recesses of the pit-cave ten feet under the singers who are gallavanting all about the stage pretending to fight bulls in a Cuban cigarette factory while wearing platform shoes and fourteen pounds of cake makeup and wigs with sticky tape visible at the edges. Behind me is a long row of disgruntled and out of tune brass. They are righteously pissed, because have you ever tried to play a trumpet fanfare while "following" a sluggish male chorus? Of course you haven't, because that's what the conductor is for.

Then, at the first four-hour dress rehearsal, we finish 15 minutes early and begin to dream that maybe, just maybe, Mr. Boobsweat will let us out like a decent human being. Instead he launches into a long description of what he likes about Carmen, in which he implores us repeatedly not to play too "wet". For fifteen minutes we sit there seething, listening to what should have been a private conversation with somebody paid to hear it (concertmaster? they should fall on the occassional sword for the rest of us, no?) during a rehearsal break. But no, we are required to stay until 11pm, our instruments growing cold and sour in our weary hands.

Thank God I had a great standpartner, one who finds the humor in my lame jokes. She was even up for games of invent-a-bowing (we were last stand and invisible to the audience), left-hand-pizz-off and all-one-finger. She even laughed when I marked in our part that the men were shouting "I love Oprah" just before we played the fancy-pants spanishy number with all the gypsy ornaments. Indulgence goes a long way with me, my friends.

Bon soire, I love Oprah, good night.

Oregon Coasting

Today we went to my sister's all-time favorite Oregon coast spot: Cape Kiwanda. Doesn't the name alone make you want to book a week there already?

This is the best time of year to go to the coast. The bulk of the pushy tourists with questionable driving etiquette have fled back to their homes, or parked their RVs or what have you. The weather is often lovely (it was warm and sunny today!) and even when it's not the fall storms are neat to watch.

If you go to the coast, check out Pelican Pub and Brewery. The fish and chips is awesome, and everything else looks great. The waitresses have a low turnover rate and seem to know everybody. AND! They have a big line-up of award-winning beer. Once I'm done with this pregnancy, I will bop right on over there and have a tall cold Tsunami Stout. Mmmmmmnnn.

This was the view from the brewery today, but with more brave dry-suited surfers.

Yay J!

I'm sorry I've been such a slacker. I hate when the people I read online do this, and I'm sure it has been annoying to a large percentage of my vast readership.

I did not win the audition last week in Podunk, Oregon, but I think my Mendelssohn was the sparkliest yet and I felt really solid in all of my excerpts. The Bartok was kind of surreal, but not bad- it was just one of those moments where I felt like I was listening to somebody else play it a little wilder than I usually would.

It was really demoralizing for about 12 hours, since I was feeling all prepared and overqualified and really actually wanted the job and such. I know that may sound like a prissy snob thing to say, but it's what I was thinking. With the schooling I did and the things I was able to win before coming to Oregon I can honestly say my expectations were different than the way reality has unfolded over the last year and a half. I haven't won crap since moving here (and I've taken auditions for a lot of crap), except the sub auditions for the Symphony, which is arguably the most difficult one. Also the least lucrative and the most fleeting. Ironic? I think so.

So at least I personally feel my audition game is improving, despite the apparent disagreement from every committee for the last 12 months.

Enough about me!

J won the job! (Insert many exclamations here!)

It looks like it could be a great move for him; more interesting work, better hours, and career advance-ability. Isn't he a stone cold stud? We think so.

This means we'll likely be moving 30-45 minutes south of Portland where the housing prices are almost funny (cheaper!) and the Aumsville Toddler Spa is a mere hop away.

More than any of the time, upward mobility, or other considerations, the prospect of J having work he might actually be challenged and engaged by is the best part of the whole thing. Whether this becomes his career job or a door-opener for the future, things are looking up for him and that makes me really happy.

It should be "Maximum Violingerov"

Toby is down at Gramma and Grandpa's today because J and I have a meeting and Rachael's coming to town and I have an audition on Thursday. When I told my friends at rehearsal last night about the incredible posh generosity of the Aumsville Spa for Toddlers, they actually looked a little pissed. It's just so amazing to get free time and practice space- musician moms literally can't believe my luck.

So with the kiddo gone I'm taking a slow morning, and I found something on the performing arts cable channel to accompany my puttering. The show is Maxim Vengerov: Playing by Heart. Musician biographies always have such cheezy subtitles. Mine will be Miriam: Violist to the Stars.

So, Maxim, though, is a violinist who has apparently been a kick ass player from the first day he touched hair to string. Some people are like that. (I once had a kid who figured out television jingles on his 1/4 size violin after only a few lessons. He used one finger for everything, and had the intervals right- he probably quit to devote more time to Play Station or something sadder...) By thirteen Maxim was doing the Russian thing and had learned every hard thing ever written and was playing with every famous person ever made while reciting poetry and solving mathematical proofs.

I always thought Vengerov was not somebody I would like, musically. Most prodigies are not all that fun to hear when they grow up, and I had kind of written him off as a bombastic Russian in whose hands French filigree would sound heavy and stylized. Also, I really don't like Daniel Barenboim's accompanying (or playing, or sick wife-leaving), so maybe whenever I heard "Vengerov" I also heard "Barenboim" and ran screaming from the room. Indeed when the documentary got to the part where B is coaching V on how to play more aggressive Brahms "because they won't hear you over the piano", I wanted to shut the lid on the keys just a little. I may or may not have left time for him to move his lame hands.

I don't like this pic of Vengerov, and it's the only one I remember seeing until today. It makes me think of the wierd hair-pulling guy from Charlie's Angels.

Do you see?





But Vengerov! He plays pretty. Really, I didn't expect him to be so musical and fluid. I really like his vibrato- he seems not to have that finger + light socket indiscriminate speedy narrow thing so popular with powerhouse violinists.

His mama is adorable and worries that at 34 (he looks older though) he won't have any friends because he's so busy being an incredible musician. She wants him to find a "very good girl"- sweet, no?

Here's a much better pic of him clowning with kids on behalf of Unicef. When's the last time you heard of a superstar musician raising hundreds of thousands for a charity they love? It's official: I am crushing.

Oh my gosh you GUYS!

It must have been the Bartok.

We had the most incredible day yesterday. It's the first weekend in memory where I am free, J is free (I mean not a single all-nighter! Who woulda thought?), and the world is our oyster.

We went to Costco and finally bought 4 of these rad garage shelving thingies and then... AND THEN!!!

We went through boxes and boxes of crap, filled our whole recycling can and took an entire jeep load out to donate and sell at Powells. They paid us $19 for five huge boxes but claim to be sending the law texts to Uganda. I got the message loud and clear: God wants you to purge, and maybe watch more HGTV.

We whittled 7,934,872 items from our past down to about 8 boxes.

Today we will finish up. So, homework from 10 years ago, notes of achievement from 3rd grade, nick-nacks commemorating friends whose names we've forgotten and art supplies I didn't even know I had: you're on notice. Get your affairs in order, we're coming for YOU.

I heart Bartok.

Man, do I love Bartok's Concerto for Orchestra. We put NPR on this morning and there was Marin Alsop (an excellent famous woman! conductor- I hope she likes Baltimore better than I did) talking about the piece.

So we put it on. It's so fun to play I keep telling J, Listen to this part! Hear the rock string section? This is the neatest fugue ever. Hear the broken squeaky gate-sounding flute? Oh ohohoh, this is the best part here...

He's quietly doing a crossword and humouring me.

If you aren't into classical music, or if you are, check it out. It's one of those works. I've been happy to play it two or three times now, and I can't wait for another chance.

Listening to this makes me want an orchestra gig.

Babies bring out the Marshall Dillon in me.

You know how little kids are really invested in their sense of right and wrong, and justice? I think pregnant people's juju must get mixed in with little kid juju in some way. Or at least mine is. Because a bunch of things are really getting under my skin.

Today it was the luthier's shop. Violin makers are generally pretty hippy laid-back folk, and the one I met today is no exception. He's got a beautiful shop, and a luthier-slave-apprentice whom we will refer to as Useless Lacky. Neither of these possessions seem to have imparted him with much business sense.

What got me was that said Lacky would not help me buy strings. He said the owner could do it "when he got back". I was there a couple minutes before the shop opened and waited until a quarter after for that to happen, all while Useless Lacky puttered about listening to some seriously obnoxious gypsy violin music and avoiding eye contact. Toby was bored and cranky in his stroller. The shop to him was like a cruel social experiment: How long can a toddler contain his need to touch the lovely instruments and exotic plants? (Answer: not long.)

So finally Mr. Shop waltzes in with a cute little dog, looks at the clock and at my scowl (I don't hide those well, but I made my voice friendly I swear) and said... nothing.

The kicker? He didn't even have all the strings I needed, and I use what everybody and their dog uses. He did seem sorta embarrassed then, and I did what my Gramma would do and left without buying any of them.

What a waste of time. Irate toddler time! I mean, I don't think everybody should drop what they're doing and help Toby have a great time, but couldn't there be a little consideration? There are only two shops in town and the other is kinda corporatey for my taste. I hope Mr. Shop is normally cool. Maybe after I left he yelled at Useless Lacky for a while, and justice was served. I can only dream. While I nap after the ordeal.

On Hold

I plan to post again someday, when I have something to post. We are waiting for lots of things just now, and I feel sort of creatively squashed.

Sometimes I think I've got something, but then the idea of a horribly greasy filet-o-fish swims into my head and I can think of nothing else.