Monday, December 11, 2006

Failure Five Ways

There are certain skills as a homemaker I have failed to acquire.

Any advice would be appreciated, especially if you want to let me know I shouldn't feel inadequate and that I deserve bonbons straight away.

1. Fondue is waaay harder than it looks. Literally, that stuff I tried this weekend was disturbing; the glob of cheddar sulked at the bottom and refused to mingle with the Stout beer liquid layer. Damn you, Epicurious recipe.

2. I don't own an iron because I don't wear the dress shirts in this relationship. Do you think I could make no-sew projects with fusible tape and a curling iron? In the microwave?

3. That bleach cleaning spray won't dissolve your skin after it has dried, will it? Because if it will, you might want to bring some of those paper toilet seat guards on your next visit to Rancho Miriamo. Who has time to clean off the cleaner?

4. Baby feet, like button noses and teeny armpits, are free from adult bacteria, aren't they? Which accounts for the lack of stink? So there's no problem reusing wee socks a couple times? Because it is anybody's guess whether those suckers choose to emerge from the laundry or disappear forever, and sadly there's no discount for their itty bittiness.

5. Do you think it's wierd that I put our Christmas tree on the porch to avoid an Infant Destructive Incident (IDI)? J does, but his opinion doesn't count nearly as much as random strangers reading this on screens many miles away. So let us know who's right, wouldja?

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