Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Yes, Tobinia, there is a...

Santa Claus. Trust no one.

This is a season ruled by, and possibly created for, fearmongers. Maybe the KGB, concievably Bush or Clinton. Definitely not Bono.

That just about sums it up. In the unlikely event you may need a little more evidence, consider the following:

Santa Claus has given my friend Rachael the gift of never again being able to look a pickle in the eye:

As explained on Satan's website (And OOHH, am I hoping I get traffic here from people googling that):
Another story tells of three theological students, traveling on their way to study in Athens. A wicked innkeeper robbed and murdered them, hiding their remains in a large pickling tub. It so happened that Bishop Nicholas, traveling along the same route, stopped at this very inn. In the night he dreamed of the crime, got up, and summoned the innkeeper. As Nicholas prayed earnestly to God the three boys were restored to life and wholeness. In France the story is told of three small children, wandering in their play until lost, lured, and captured by an evil butcher. St. Nicholas appears and appeals to God to return them to life and to their families. And so St. Nicholas is the patron and protector of children.

Santa: innocent bystander coincidentally available for reverse-picklings or psycho dismembering killer? Kids have such a sense about these things.

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